Could it be that you simply wanted to rule the roost and resented your husband? (Don’t answer.) In many cases, it is the independence of woman, cultivated by our culture, that dies the hardest in marriage. (Truthfully, marriage is torture for the selfish husband and selfish wife alike.) When she has to defer to her husband after living a life where she is told to be woman and “hear her roar,” coming into agreement with a husband is the last thing that she wants to do. She can obey a disagreeable boss for years and years, but a husband, not so! Too many wives feel entitled to dictate, set the agenda, change the agenda, and basically are trying to usurp the position of the husband
While I may not be understanding the matter just the way PT does, in my case, he is preaching to the choir!
I repent and renounce stealing my husband’s position and authority. I found a good illustration of how MY marriage worked for 20+ years:
Notice the ROLE REVERSAL!
That was me. I “usurped his position”.
Gary Thomas, author of a book which I highly recommend, says this in
Helping Him Love You
In her role as an inspirational speaker, Jo has met many women whose husbands have cowed them into an “unhealthy doormat mode”. Sadly, sometimes this posture gets couched in religious language and represents a complete misreading of biblical submission. Jo observes, “Women don’t tell men what they need because we’ve been taught its selfish to even think of ourselves. In fact, some of us aren’t in touch with our own feelings enough to even know what we need…”
This “martyr” method of marriage, though common among well meaning Christian women, shortchanges both husband and wife. Your husband will prosper spiritually and personally by excelling in loving you. God designed marriage, in part, to help both husband and wife grow in character. If you do all the sacrificing, if your husband runs over you, he’s not growing; he’s shrinking, spiritually speaking. He’s becoming lower in character. You may well become a saint after living with such a man for twenty years, but he is going to become increasingly miserable, because ultimately, any man who treats others poorly begins to despise himself. This might sound backward, but you need to love your husband by teaching him how to love you, because its spiritually healthy for him to grow in loving you.
At one time, the thought of telling her husband what she needed would have sounded selfish to Jo, and she would have dismissed the thought. She has since learned that respect matters and that a husband won’t truly love a woman for whom he has no respect. Jo realized that if she didn’t respect herself, her husband would adopt that same attitude of disrespect….
An angry husband often acts as if only his wife needs to change. This is a false view based on a lack of respect.