“think with me about a future in which
you are supported instead of threatened,
in which you feel adored instead of attacked
and appreciated instead of insulted.
Isn’t it worth the risk … to work toward
such a marriage?…”
Gary Thomas
quote from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas
from Chapter 11- Taming the Temper Part 2: Learning to Navigate through Your Husband’s Anger
If you live with an angry man, this is your “spiritual marathon”. You’re going to be challenged in ways that may terrify you. Women who marry abusive men often had abusive fathers, and they’ve developed a lifelong portrait of themselves as victims. It will go against every learned response in your hurting soul to finally stand up and say you’re not going to take it anymore- but doing so is the pathway to healing, hope, and a healthier marriage.
You may feel terrified, but think with me about a future in which you are supported instead of threatened, in which you feel adored instead of attacked and appreciated instead of insulted. Isn’t it worth the risk for you and your children, to work toward such a marriage?…
Your God is with you, and his people will surround you. Spend some time asking God to bring some helpers into your life before you act; this may be the wisest step you can take. And then more forward from there. If you keep stepping out in faith, you’ll discover just how strong you can become in Christ- and that’s a valuable life lesson. If you persevere in this, you won’t even recognize yourself several years down the road. That timid, fearful, victimized personality will vanish in favor or a strong, wise, bold, and courageous woman of faith.
The following quote is from this article by Phoenix seminary Prof. Steven Tracy. I like the article very much. However, I submit that challenging the abuse is NOT “refusing to submit” (as Tracy labels it) but IS instead a proper exercise of true, godly, powerful biblical submission and lifesaving, redemptive, Christlike wifely “helping” as God intends.
QUOTE:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not only is it entirely biblical for a wife to flee or otherwise refuse to submit to abuse for her and her children’s physical and emotional well being, but not submitting to an abusive husband is also best for the husband. Wives are to do good to their husbands (Prov 31:12), and one of the best ways wives of abusive husbands can do this is by challenging the abusive behavior through fleeing, filing assault charges, contacting church authorities or by otherwise stimulating real accountability and painful consequences for the abusive behavior. Refusing to submit to abuse and instead taking action to not allow it to continue is good for the husband because:
(1) this is one of the best ways to break through the abusers’ distorted thinking and stimulates repentance.
(2) It decreases the temporal and eternal consequences which accrue the
longer a husband abuses.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here are some related links which were helpful to me:
