The latest blog on nolongerquivering is ostensibly replying to http://steadfastdaughters.com/ however what Daisy paints and what Stacy actually writes are worlds apart. While the MacDonalds and I have our theological differences, one thing I really appreciated about Stacy’s latest blog is her complete honesty about how hard it is at times for those of us moms with numerous children:
There are days when life is really, really hard. Noisy days. Dirty days. “I’m locking myself in the bathroom again” days! In fact, just this week, sin was bouncing off every wall in our house! “Mom! She messed up my whole game again…on PURPOSE!”
My hormones were raging, my body was depleted of energy, my nerves were all on the outside of my skin, and my sin was being dredged to the surface of my being—and my children, as usual, responded in like manner. - Stacy Macdonald
which contrasts with blogger Daisy’s portrayal here :
QF domestic life is promised to be one of enduring and delightful felicity. Parents are told that even what ‘the world’ considers inevitable – the dreaded stage of teenage rebellion – can, and indeed must, be circumvented. QF kids are said to go from baby bootcamp to joyous God-serving adulthood without a glitch. -Daisy
There came a time in my life where- like Daisy- I realized that I had been overly harsh with my own children over some issues and I had to apologize. However, I don’t regret training my children to behave when they were two and I don’t think it scarred them for life. In fact, I have been far more lenient on the youngest child and my adult children accuse me of “spoiling him”
Hey, he had 7 GREAT older sibling role models and it wasn’t as hard to train him as it was to train them!
I watched a few minutes of SuperNanny the other night with a 4 year old child who ran the household. Under Supernanny’s watchful eye, they had to put the child in time out 60 times before he stayed for the requisite 3 minutes! I was thinking about this- about the child in SuperNanny and my own children at young ages. The child in SuperNanny was unable to receive correction from his parents. And he had no self control. Being able to receive correction is EXTREMELY important to having a functional life. Here’s a link to “correction” verses in the NIV. And I think this is learned or missed very young!
For decades, my own husband was a man who would not receive correction and I’m sure this started when he experienced rejection as a sickly baby of a farmer, and critical, harsh, shaming treatment from his father. But the children ruled their mother. Even at 2, he wouldn’t stay in bed, and she was a short order cook in the kitchen making special meals for the one who was a fussy eater (not my husband, BTW, but his healthy brother. Just imagine what kind of future HUSBAND this trains! :( The woman of the house at beck and call and no need to listen to or respect her at all! ) Children need to be individuals without being completely SELF-centered. Children should not be treated with harshness and shaming. HOWEVER, they DO need to learn how to receive correction! And they need to have some external control by their parents until they can learn to exercise SELF control. (Think of the ways good parents of young children PROTECT them!)
The other side of this is that PARENTS should be willing to receive correction from their CHILDREN. As they reached teenage years and beyond, my children developed something like a union- organized to negotiate with those holding power over them. So, when I get unreasonable with one of them, the others are right there defending their sibling. Knowing that they have some power, that their voice will be heard and respected, that there can be negotiation and compromise prepares them for healthy relationships in the future.