Job interview Friday.
This is for CNA work in a nursing home. I am seriously considering going back to school for an RN and this would give me some exposure to the hardest, lowest paid type of nursing work.
I am still in the pipeline at the school for substitute teaching and bus driving, but I have to follow through with fingerprinting and background check (which costs money under penny pinching conditions. Time has been tight too as we have been flat out working on the foreclosure house so we can get it rented out.)
Hubs put in his resume to his former place of work-they are advertising for help. Though I supported his submitting the resume, I am conflicted about it. It was a dark dark place for him spiritually/morally and I don’t trust him to say “NO” to darkness.
OK, so they said the training would take place “every other weekend”. Somehow I misunderstood that was in addition to 30 hours a week, so I am working nearly full time as a CNA trainee, plus trying to finish my part of the foreclosure (painting), plus still the Town Clerk. Laundry has not even hit the radar screen lately. I’m afraid to look!
Funny about the nursing home. The trainer said brace yourself and don’t be offended. Some of the men consider women inferior and think they should always be subordinate. She said, don’t bother trying to straighten them out about women having the vote and being equal and such… (lots of fundies in that nursing home!)
I’m tired. G’nite!
((((charis)))))
You rock, woman.
I miss you Charis.
But I understand busy.
Take care of yourself
Miss you, too!!!
Thank you friends!
I miss you too!
I work my first night shift tonight 10-6 and I was up at 5am this morning so I need a quick nap before I go! But I wanted to tell you that I won the election! I was pleased. Its a good flexible P/T job… And my part of the house rehab project is done and it looks like we may have some tenants lined up, which should help with the finances (have accumulated some credit card debt with the house rehab, and taxes are due in January- we now own three properties in the area of the country with the highest property taxes in the entire USA)
Mundane news, I know…
(I am also putting my head firmly in the sand about my Jubilee birthday coming up next week…)
Oh, and my firstborn (Hannah) got engaged Sunday (Nov 1)! They are planning a July wedding 2010. That will be three of our children married in three years- a wedding in ‘08, ‘09, and now ‘10.
Happy Bday in advanced, even though you are looking the other way.
Glad you stopped in just to let us know you are alive and well, just busy.
Congrats on the election and your daughter’s engagement.
Your life is full. May you allow yourself (and make others respect your boundaries enough so you can allow yourself) to be satisfied with the fullness that God has given you.
A big huge “Yeah,” to what she said.
Molly,
I am relieved you posted. All of a sudden your blog went private. The message says “Protected Blog”. Hope everything is OK!
Love and Prayers, Charis
Great news, Charis!
I’m not around much these days, but I do keep checking your blog to see if there’s anything new.
Hugs
TO EDIFY ALL WOMEN READING HERE TODAY,
am crossposting this, from another blog I posted on today–
I have this small I-pod, a gift, that had a lot of music on it, that well, is an eccentric mix. I was going to ‘delete’ a lot of it because some of it I don’t care for, and put some of the Christian rap and so forth that I love to jam too.
Anyhow [and I'll make this two posts], so I’m scrolling through the genres and I see R&B, and I felt prompted to hit on it, and this song, called Woman was listed. I thought, ah its probably one of those nasty songs, but for some reason, I clicked on it, and heard it, and its like,
Wow–its an appreciation song, one that immediately, I thought, my sisters need to really hear this God, with all the ‘tearing down of women’ we hear in our world, this song, is just healing balm,
and Then, God said, ‘Proverbs 31′ is the same thing–but instead, men have used it, as a ‘measuring stick’ to beat and tear women down with,
rather than what it was Intended to mean–God said, what He values in WOMAN–WHOM HE CREATED, all the things in Proverbs 31 are in All women, the potential–at one time in our life, at least,
and when you hear this song, it becomes quite clear, that Proverbs 31 was God’s love song to us, that ‘what is Special, about you, Woman, in my eyes, Your Creator’.
It was like–Boom, this Huge light that just shown and for the first time Mara, I felt, uplifted as a Woman, rather than torn down–hard to put into words,
and He said to me, IF my daughters were TOLD their value–rather than being condemned by a measuring stick that I never meant–that is how the Enemy has used-distorted it–women would not be debasing themselves and turning on themselves hating themselves.
And if not hating our selves, we would be ‘joyous’ in loving as God so intended when He created Us–
song is on next post…now, some of it can sound a bit patriarchal–but listen to the entire thing. I’ll see if I can find the lyrics–
and, after listening to it a few times, put your name, rather than woman,
and know, you are Special in God’s eyes. You are VALUED.
Jane
November 9, 2009 9:24 AM
Delete
Blogger JaneDoeThreads said…
song: [pay attention to the Last verse--that really got me--now, again, this is a secular song--from a male view--However, read the entire lyrics, with all the tearing down and hate we hear against women, the we are weak and gossips and all that nonsense,
its just really nice--to hear, a man, sing a song, that celebrates who we are, who God created us, AS WOMEN. Proverbs 31--we are Valued, all the things we do, God listed, in HIS WORD, and then He said, We are valued, and may our works be praised in the gates. Proverbs 31, wasn't supposed to be a 'measuring stick', NO, it was supposed to be, God's song to us, Woman, I appreciate you.
Sing this and KNOW you are Valued.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SBANwOlEoI
lyrics: This is official right now in 4 minutes or less
We going to crown all of them right now
My momma your momma
Baby's mommas mommas mommas
Wife
If you near a woman right now wherever you're at just turn to em and say you are appreciated
I appreciate your smile (thank you)
*And the nine months you take to carry and birth a child *(thank you)
And the way you play dumb even when we living real foul ( ooo thank ya)
And even as a single parent momma you still hold it down some how (thank you momma) making ends meet somehow (thank you momma)
I appreciate your strength (thank you)
How you never bite your lip to say what's on your mind (thank you)
How you a lady in the streets and a freak when it's bedroom time (thank you)
How you gon' ride with me roll with me and tell me what's yours is mine
Fellas, If you aint got one better search the world to find
Woman woman woman
Strong Woman woman woman
Grown Woman woman woman
Special Woman woman woman
Beautiful Woman woman woman
Strong Woman woman woman
Grown Woman woman woman
Special Woman woman woman
I appreciate your glow (Thank you)
And when you get angry with us the way that you let us know (thank you)
And i think it's so cute when you get so emotional (thank you)
You know till you prove your point you just can't let it go (ha ha)
But i like that though
I appreciate so much (thank you girl)
Like the I love you feeling girl when we touch (thank you girl)
Like there's no you, no me, if there's no us (thank ya)
Find More lyrics at http://www.sweetslyrics.com
And if she ever hears an urgency she'll come in a rush (thank you)
To the rescue, man you better find you a
Woman woman woman (Get you one man)
Strong Woman woman woman (Ain't nothing like making love)
Grown Woman woman woman
Special Woman woman woman
Beautiful Woman woman woman
Strong Woman woman woman (when i get weak i need a strong woman)
Grown Woman woman woman
Special Woman woman woman
She's gotta be street smart and educated
Gotta good head on her shoulders
A sexy swagger with sex appeal
A grown woman hook up them home cook meals
A grown woman who's confident
Better recognize one where the grown ones sit
And a grown woman knows how to tell you no
A grown woman knows when to let you go
You can have a big ol car and big ol house but next to God nothing else amounts to her
Woman woman woman
Strong Woman woman woman
Grown Woman woman woman
Special Woman woman woman
Beautiful Woman woman woman
Strong Woman woman woman
Grown Woman woman woman
Special Woman woman woman
Aint nothing like a
Woman woman woman
Strong Woman woman woman
Grown Woman woman woman
Special Woman woman woman
Beautiful Woman woman woman
Strong Woman woman woman
Grown Woman woman woman
Special Woman woman woman
this line--is one that really touched me,
Better recognize one where the grown ones sit
And a grown woman knows how to tell you no
A grown woman knows when to let you go
You can have a big ol car and big ol house but next to God nothing else amounts to her
an Empowered woman, that can tell a man NO and who knows when to LET A MAN GO [because he ain't no good to her],
but the last–the big ol car and big ol house but Next to God – Jesus nothing else amounts to her…
here is a man, who sings about priorities–
God, Jesus, his wife, children,
notice it isn’t,
Himself–his ministry, his ego, maybe God and then, at the bottom of list–his wife.
Funny how sometimes, God can use something Secular, to reveal the Truth, about Who He is and about How He sees US.
I received this song today as a love song from Jesus, His telling me, how He sees me.
Every woman–needs to hear this, pass it forward. Let’s edify one another in His Love.
Love, Jane
Jane,
Thanks for posting that song.
I really like how the author thanks women for showing their emotion, saying what they think, being reliable and being strong.
I also like how the “traditional job” of a mother is not put down, but at the same time, single motherhood is not put down or overpraised, if you see what I mean.
To be honest, I am finding more truth and value in the world than in the church. The world expects me to grow up, carry my burden and be strong, and it gives me the right to say “no”. The church wants me to carry the burden of an adult, while denying me basic rights. You can’t even say they give wives the rights of a child, because children are not expected to bear up like adults!
Hi Madame,
I’m learning to ’self-reference’ [which, ironically, IF I would have done that YEARS AGO, I would have avoided, possibly so many of the 'sinful' decisions I Did make--but its the one thing that we are always told that is sinful, to listen to our selves, to our 'inner conscience' that tells us, something ain't right', the church has done a swell job at killing that voice in the weak, oppressed, the poor, women, and children.]
And well I am leaning towards this because while yes, there are some empowering things in the world, contrasted to the blatant woman hate in the church–you have to be careful there too, the same misogyny is in the world, its just masked differently, that’s all.
And I’m actually questioning Bible ‘translations’ now, ever since I heard about the Nazi-Taliban Mutterland Christians who are now ‘changing the King James’ because to them its ‘too liberal’,
like, taking out the part where Jesus didn’t condemn the woman who committed adultery, taking out where Jesus says, Father forgive them they know what not they do, and taking out some other scriptures they feel are ‘too compatible with liberalism’,
I knew RIGHT THEN, if They can do it,
ITS BEEN DONE BEFORE.
And so I looked, at the history of ‘translation’ in my own King James [see note at bottom], and sure enough,
they can’t even agree on like when some of the OT was written or by who, much less the N T.
So, like, I don’t know, I do find it odd, that there are, usually when it comes to ‘women’, scriptures that go totally contrary to the ’spirit’ of the other scriptures, like the one about women, its a shame to speak in church.
In all the other scriptures BEFORE THAT ONE, there are references to the OT,
not on that one though. And I’ve seen a pattern,
I don’t put ANYTHING PAST, the Catholic or Orthodox churches in that day, OR the King James era for that fact [hell, look at what King James did, like, yea, hmmmm],
I’m supposed to ‘trust’ the translations of men who ordered the BUTCHER AND RAPES OF INNOCENT GIRLS?
Don’t think so,
just something don’t wash, you know,
so, I’m just to the point, where, I’ll take what I can, put the rest in the ‘question box’ and the ‘lets use common sense’ box for now, until God shows me different.
And I would trust a bed full of Pythons before I’d trust the majority of garbage being spewed from the American pulpit,
IF, if Paul really did write that one scripture, there is one thing, that sets him and that church era apart from the Bael preachers today [and the people who support that]
Paul, and the other MEN in that day, SUFFERED FOR THE CROSS OF CHRIST,
they weren’t idolatrous men with two cars and heaping up wealth [or children, slaves mind you, same thing] and preaching the gospel to ‘benefit their own bellies’,
they too, SUFFERED,
huge difference from these pot bellied lazy sex driven animals who dare to call themselves MEN OF GOD today. Huge difference
so, I simply won’t waste my time listening to them anymore, nor the women who support them, because they either are in denial, or those, who like the Benefits of wealth that comes from blood.
Its all just sick and twisted really–and I have given this a lot of thought, that and pondering over my own failures and sins through out my life,
what to do about them [as far as life change, confess and repent--repenting that is actual repenting and bringing about the Fruits of repentance, am doing and have done],
as far as where do I go from here. And I’ve concluded, that its the micro–where it matters,
so my ‘church’ is back out on the streets, its the one thing that I do thank God for, those years being homeless,
want to meet God, go to where the hurting, exploited, suffering are, you’ll meet him there, you’ll see Jesus there,
because I havent’ found Him in the overall ‘Christianity religion-structure of churches, music, ministries, books, etc’, I have seen a lot of clanging bells and Nationalism and Racism and Sexism though.
So, nah, told Jesus, I’m keeping it simple–down to earth, ministering to those I meet or who are sent my way, neighbors, the old man sitting in the park with the sign, what have you….loving them and ‘not preaching to them’, maybe reading some Bible, who knows,
but, to the streets I go, and my children too, because I’m just so done with the hoopla and the merry go round Disney Christianity and the Taliban Christianity and the whole
DYSFUNCTIONAL MESS.
It makes me angry, though, it really does….for YEARS, I invested, my belief, in LIES,
so much of my life, the years that COULD HAVE BEEN
FILLED WITH PASSION AND JOY AND LOVE
WERE DESTROYED.
Because religion destroyed my mother, my uncle, my brother, and almost me,
religion, meaning, yes, Christianity….the teachings of Patriarchy and Martrydom and Woman Hate and Control.
Years that I can’t get back–they gone…but while the ’sharks’ wipe their lips, I get to pick up the pieces, of what’s left,
and there ain’t much there to pick up.
And yes, some times, I HATE THEM, I really do…
but, then there’s that waste of energy, I tried to go back to church, fit in,
its not only not changed, its gotten worse. And then, I say, well I need to go for my kids,
what do I find out,
my son, learns to be ‘aggressive’ rather than about God because its the dodge ball and my daughter learns about female ‘flirting’ to ‘get the man’ one day and the social club rather than about God and I think,
what the hell did I do this for again?
They were better off, seriously, when I was in communism and they were going with me to protests about the poor, at Least then,
they weren’t learning ‘roles’ that are nothing but ‘how to feed the selfish male and capitalist machine’.
To hell with it…and I’m angry to see and read so many lives destroyed, women hurting, and the callous indifference of so called Christians, who have the gall to ‘claim love’ [and I seriously, believe, many of them, just need a good ass kicking]
so, what can be done?
Well, I can scream and yell and debate, but you see, these people DON’T CARE—-they ain’t going to change, they LIKE what they do, they are many of them, just flat out SADISTS.
You can’t change a sadist—they thrive on causing others pain.
And well, I know the ‘world’ doesn’ t offer solutions, besides, I won’t walk away from Grace,
so, that leaves only one option…do like John the Baptist–go to the desert.
I’d rather live on locust and wild honey than the poison that is seeping in so much of the doctrines today–doctrines, that aren’t about Christ,
but about PROTECTING,
WIFE BEATERS, RAPISTS, CHILD RAPISTS, CHILD ABUSERS, COVETOUS, IDOLATERS, BRAWLERS, MURDERERS AND THE LIKE.
and that is what they do, they USE scripture, to PROTECT THE EVIL DOERS, at the expense of the most vulnerable and weaker vessels….
or, they use the scriptures to beat women down because what they are really after is a WHITE NATION–MUTTERLAND, seriously–some of these Fertility Cults are Nazi to the core–they may not come out and say it,
but compare their teachings [that whole Biblical role garbage for gender] to the teachings of
HITLER
identical.
better off, just learning discernment, walking in love towards those in your life–every opportunity doing good, keeping it simple, dump the materialism, and stay in the Word,
and leave the toxic ‘temples’ of Bael and Mollech,
alone.
It sucks that its this way—but, well, it is that way, so go on we must,
but, what does concern me though–is the leaning to the world, got to be careful there, because Satan has his agents,
in the pulpits and also right outside the fence just a waiting for their meals…
don’t be a eaten sheep.
Love,
Jane
“And so I looked, at the history of ‘translation’ in my own King James [see note at bottom], and sure enough,”
note on this: they’ve also done this too on the liberal side of things,
in one Bible, they took out, in Col, and its a well read Bible, some new translation,
the Blood of Jesus.
You know, its real ’subtle’ how they do it…but, like I said, if they can do it now,
ITS BEEN DONE BEFORE.
I don’t put anything past the hegemony of power mongers. And this actually was beginning in the days prior to the Reformation,
I would go as far to say–in the days of Paul the male butchers were there right at the door along with the pagans, just licking their lips…and Paul so warned, too.
So, who knows,
all I know, is that I think, one has to be very diligent in being very ‘cautious’ and ‘discerning’ in these days, and really, By their fruits,
and you know, Fruits, is not just the actions of the individual, but
what kind of Children are they bringing up.
Those fruits, say more–about the legacy of one’s life, than anything,
be they damaged children or selfish children or critical children or abusive children
it says alot, about the legacy left and those Fruits–are the ones that bring judgment on a nation. We aren’t doing so hot there,
one thing my husband said, that really stuck with me, he said,
“you Christians have it all wrong, its not the ‘mother’ who raises up the children to know God, that is the Father’s responsibility, to teach, to lead, to show BY EXAMPLE,
capitalist Christians have made women the ‘moral gate keepers’ leaving men to do as they please with impunity, with scriptural blessings and coverings…
that is so contrary to what God commanded. And it states, right there in NT,
Fathers, do NOT provoke your children to WRATH.
Wrath, can be a seething hateful wrath too, and if you raise up sons to hate women, to control and think they are entitled to special treatment because oh my gosh, they have the midas gold penis,
watch out….you are raising your sons to set themselves up as ‘gods’.
Its serious, and I do have to wonder [because in my own Failures in this, this is where I think, we will answer more for than anything, why I'm working to correct my bad choices and sins now where they are concerned],
if we are going to be judged more, for the Legacy, we leave behind,
rather than the little ‘works’ we do, or church attendance and all that.
Its the Legacy, when we die,
WHAT WILL PEOPLE REMEMBER ABOUT US?
Will they remember our love, our kindness, our sacrificial love and giving [to people, not to churches to build more buildings ON OTHER MEN'S FOUNDATIONS]
or will they remember
the abuse, the harsh words, the beatings, the rapes, the hate, the selfishness, the greed, the ignoring the poor, and so forth.
I think–That is what Fruit is,
in our life.
And when we see a TRAIL OF TEARS,
in the Legacy of the Church
well, what does that tell you?
I will tell you what it tells me, in two words
ANTI-CHRIST.
Anti-Christ isn’t some thing off in some ‘other’ belief, oh no,
the ANTI-CHRIST,
is the false Christ, being spewed in our own pulpits, fertility cults, mega cults, sheppard cults, etc…
Its time to awake from sleep,
brethren.
Jane
“I don’t put ANYTHING PAST, the Catholic or Orthodox churches in that day, OR the King James era for that fact [hell, look at what King James did, like, yea, hmmmm],
I’m supposed to ‘trust’ the translations of men who ordered the BUTCHER AND RAPES OF INNOCENT GIRLS?”
I know some history. I knew that King James didn’t like women. For one thing, when he was a boy, they told him that his mother murdered his father (which many agree, probably didn’t happen). And then when he took over the throne from Queen Elizabeth I, the golden, Elizabethan age ended and his far less golden reign began. (the nerve of the woman Elizabeth for being so brilliant and golden thereby making him look less.) And this was the Queen that ordered his mother beheaded…
Yep, KJ had a pretty dim view of women.
But I’ve never heard anywhere that he ordered the rapes and butchers of innocent girls.
Where is that recorded in history?
I’m not doubting you. I just never heard about it before. Where would I look it up?
I am referring to the witch-hunts that did have their ’support and backing’ from the use of scripture, by the thugs in cloth,
the GENOCIDE AGAINST 300,000 INNOCENT WOMEN AND GIRLS
for crimes such as
having a ‘clitoris’, what they deemed as the ‘devil’s teat’.
and although this occurred during the later years, the ‘makings’ of it, started Way long before, and the Puritans,
in England, had many of the same sentiments, prior to coming here. All through Europe, it was not uncommon for women to be singled out, and done ‘away’ with, under the excuse of them being witches
and the thing is, It still goes on today, in the Congo where four year old girls are told in churches that they are the ‘reason their mothers are raped, etc’,
[boys too though, some women so damaged have castrated their boys, believing they are 'devils', the disease spreads, put it that way]
and just last year, in Saudi, a woman was unmercifully killed because her husband accused her of being a witch
and why
because he couldn’t get it up. If you can believe that, yea, Unreal.
And I believe we will see this come about in America with the Wack jobs running any churches today.
In all fairness though, there has been some women leaders, that have been just as sick, in Europe [East] there was a woman who had virgins killed so she could drink their blood–to keep herself looking young, or I believe, no, she bathed in it. She would have peasant girls taken from the village, Elizabeth Bathory was her name,
I think we have a few of those posing as ‘Christian conservatives’
well, anyway, we have to ’submit and honor authorities’
hand over the daughters without protest.
I’m just to point of being sick of the whole mess
Whatever happened, to humanitarianism? Has it died?
Jane
What WOMEN AND JEWS HAVE IN COMMON,
do some reading,
btw, I guarantee you, the Women Haters in Pulpits and Fertility Cults today, will be bringing about their ‘anti-semitic’ hate before long,
its no ’shocker’ that the SB and Q spokeswomen just had a nice little ‘tea party’ with the fundi Muslims, in America–and these mega churches and the dominion Cults,
yea,
the stage is being set, no doubt.
http://www.gendercide.org/case_witchhunts.html
see us with Jewish family or with Jewish back ground, what have you,,
we can smell the ‘death rats’ a Mile away
something about that ‘fascism’, the psychology of how it works, you sort of get the feel for it, way before it happens. But its coming,
the blood feasters are licking their lips just a waiting….to feast on the powerless, and the most vulnerable,
which, of course, we’ve been told to shut up and submit.
Makes you wonder…[sorry, going through skepticism, a lot lately, won't just accept I want answers]
Jane
on skepticism,
it became worse the more I read about the teachings of today’s churches,
but as Bible translations go, been doing some research this evening,
and something stood out to me, that I will modify–on the ones that are attempting to change the KJ today, and where I said,
if they can do it then its been done before…
maybe not,
I don’t know because I wasn’t around in those times, etc. and just because there are some who dare to take out of Bible today, doesn’t mean they did it before, so it would be an unfair accusation,
I know there were books left out, so forth, and that whole history, and the arguments [I read that Luther had objections to most of NT], and so forth,
are a tad confusing, way too much to sort through.
What I do know is this, and why its lead me to be a bit skeptical of late
There is something wrong with the tolerance and or support of CRUELTY. At least, I think so,
and I don’t care if ’sin’ or that ‘women are more sinful’ is the ‘excuse’ thrown out,
IF we are Good, [generally speaking on human terms here] that having repented of sin, should we then, divide kindness and love to men, and rejection and hate and oppression to women? To me, it doesn’t make sense,
aren’t we ALL SINNERS?
If one gender is allowed to oppress the other, then that is like saying, that one gender is less ’sinful’ than the other, or that, one evil is not evil because its from a ‘favored gender’.
I can’t reconcile the ‘teachings and beliefs’ that its just acceptable to oppress women and girls. I don’t care if its husbands or preachers or other women,
now we All do sin, we All do things that are unkind, cruel, I know I have,
but to do them, and then, to preach the ‘tolerance’ to those things or to diminish them, using Scripture to do so,
are two totally different things.
And I just can’t find peace with that anymore, and therefore I have questioned God’s character because of, which has caused me much grief and guilt and fear…
Is love and mercy divided? Did Christ die for women? And if so,
then why is ’salvation’ different, it seems as if Men are saved by mercy but women, the same rules don’t apply,
are we under a different measuring stick then?
And if so, what does that say about the Redemption by Grace?
How do I accept and believe in Grace and Love of God at the same time I am told by numerous others that oh, wait,
you’re different, you’re female, you have less rights and favor in God’s eyes even IF you have believed on Jesus?
I’m not arguing for dominating men or churches and what have you,
I’m asking, why are the human rights of women and girls, diminished?
And in the name of God?
And even more, How in the HELL is this love and mercy?
Maybe my ideas of love and mercy are all wrong, maybe, but it seems to me, that there is this overall agreement that women are not really ’saved’ and that the only reason we are here is to be sex property,
and there are even some scriptures that ‘reinforce’ those beliefs. And THAT is where I really struggle with God,
Who is my Savior, my Lord Jesus or my Husband?
IF Paul says, its a shame for women to speak and to learn at home, ask our husbands,
[and if they are unbelievers I guess then we are really screwed there]
then is it also a ’shame’ for women to read the Bible, to Pray, to do Anything, outside of their husband’s control?
IF so, then why bother to ’save’ women?
Did Jesus only die for Men?
There are a lot of things that cause me to question, but what is even more troubling, for me,
is the knowledge of the Millions of girls and women who have been unmercifully raped, gang raped, tortured, maimed, enslaved, burned, brutalized, their creativity killed, their love killed, their lives destroyed, molested by fathers, uncles, brothers, PREACHERS, PRIESTS, RABBIS, CLERGY, etc.,
who have been the mothers of all of us, who have nurtured and cared and picked up and rebuilt communities after war and chaos and have only been repaid
with hatred.
with being demonized,
now, I find this to be in the church and church history too, and I’m to believe, that God is merciful?
Its like sorting through two gospels, three gospels, hell five, different gospels some days,
and the book of Enoch didn’t help either, or the old books of Adam and Eve…mercy for Adam, a bit of coldness for Eve [its almost like Adam, had a Gun to his head, like, didn't he choose too?]
Does God really dislike women?
and who doesn’t wonder these things, and what frustrates me is that few really ask,
or its the always finding the loopholes…
but, what really gets me, is the flat out Indifference and Apathy, towards suffering, I see in so many who profess Christ, UNLESS its for P.R. or something,
that includes towards the lost as well, the nonchalant way that some say the elect are saved and well, oh well, the rest will fry for eternity,
you know, I am a SINNER, I have sinned HORRIBLY against God, I’ve lied, I’ve stolen, I’ve fornicated, you name it, I’ve done it,
and I go to the Cross and ask forgiveness and ask Jesus to save me and to make me a new creation, to help me fight the evil within [that flesh nature]
and I think hell is horrible, if He saves me, Mercy,
then shouldn’t I also, be merciful? Shouldn’t it Bother us, that so many will go there?
But for many, and they are usually the ones coldest to women, it don’t seem to bother them that much, and in fact, in reading some things, some seem to like to relish the fact
CRUELTY,
there is more ‘mercy’ for stolen property, things, than for the blood women bleed by the hands of those who hate them and their crime
born female.
So,
its caused me to question, a LOT…every thing I believed, faith wise, has been under scrutiny lately,
and more about Love, than anything. Does love even really exist, in more than mere ‘words’?
So, I find, that I am re-examining my self and life–maybe, that is all I can do,
is work, to erase all evil from my self–all acts not in love,
and what happens, happens…
I choose to continue to believe on Christ [though I want nothing to do with standing with the oppressors and that includes most churches]
and hopefully, I’ll find love in myself.
IF my being a woman–is a detriment, then, well, I can do nothing about that, if that be the case,
I will just choose, to do all in my power, to not let, the haters, destroy what little good is in me, what faith I have, what Love I have…
its all we can do, is not let them, destroy us, as women.
In closing, something I hang onto,
its something Martha Stewart did while in prison…she took some wild onions, and a weed,
and made a flower bouquet, and gave them to another prisoner, a woman.
In the midst of ugliness and coldness and cement and hate,
she created beauty, out of what is deemed useless, and she offered it to one who was hurting,
an act of Love, a kindness, that women, are by nature, known for.
I believe, that is what God instilled into women, and why women are hated so much by the power freaks and oppressors and the wanna be lords and kings [and the kings and those in power].
They want to stomp out every trace of ‘female’ there is, they want to erase us, and erase us, our history, our contributions, our souls…
even in the Name of God…
to my last breathe, I am determined, to make, the flowers out of nothingness, and give to one,
who is in need.
That–is my new religion…
with the love and acknowledgment of Jesus Christ our Lord,
Jane